


Petal to the Metal

by orphan_account



Category: RWBY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-14 02:15:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17499671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Jaune's destructive fecklessness can be tolerated no longer, it's up to Lie Ren to rescue the object of his affections. And in doing so, perhaps so much more...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Contains scenes of ham-fisted near-science. I earned that U in AS chemistry and physics after all, so I have some vague notions of things that I can finagle into what I want to do with them! And maybe the story, it'll turn out to just be a cheesy 2000s film. To say any more would be not exactly a spoiler, since that's a bit self-aggrandizing, but I'll let my ego have a trip for once. It's a spoiler.
> 
> Also, Ren's semblance works differently here.

_Sorry that it's 3am_

_but its a matter most important_

_and you will be recompensed_

_by going with me to the autumn dance!_

_Oh I will wear deodorant_

_When it comes to the main event  
_

_'cos for a Schnee, spare no expense-_

_I'll even bust out my breath mints!_

_You're in the lap of luxury  
_

_with Jaune of the Arc family_

_Join me Ock-toe-bah 23!  
_

_O Whyyyyss Sha-neeeee-YEEEEEEEEE!"_

*crsh!* The dome of purple aura surrounding Blake's head cracked, followed by a regretful sobbing.

The 'ehh...' '...nyeehH!' Of Weiss Schnee trying and failing to muster the effort to shut the door soon followed, while the warlord grinned at her. _Menacingly._ She finally gathered the strength to close the door, only for- _no! Hi-his foot's in the door! He's really thought of everything... How can I stand a chance against this monster? I can't...he's won..._

"Uhhh...y-you...I, W-weiss Schnee, willlll... *kshing* uwha?"

He stopped. Her aggressor _stopped,_ a statue, hewn of flesh and with the motion of stone, as the colour bled out of him in fog of paint. Did he discover his semblance? Is Glynda using some kind of Act 2? Is he actually a Grimm and just caused Ruby enough distress that her weaponised contact lenses did something?

Wait, it may be 3am on a Saturday but that's just moronic, Weiss, get a hold of yourself.

And then any attempt to get herself together fell as soon as she saw the cause of Jaune's status. Her saviour arrived, the Pink King, palm outstretched and clad in the finest of raiments.

Speak, He did thus: "Yoink!" and plucked the weapon of the grimmborne from its talons, before flitting His attention betwixt the transfixed maidens-her, Weiss, the battle-forged heiress to the throne of Schnee, and her rival-Blake Belladonna, the rebellious faunus ninja beauty who would stop at nothing for the justice for her people, as she too looked back into His eyes from within the fractured fishbowl born of her soul. His decision was made, as his brow quavered: "Oh, right. Sorry guys."

The fog receded, and her bound foe sprung anew to life. _What are you doing, my liege? Why would you lift your curse? Is it your judgment that you are ruler of all, even those of Sin? Very well, then I shall defer to your judgment King_ "Ren."

"Hey."

"Why did I just see Blake and I as rivals for your affection?"

"You were just caught in the Jaune point-blank." He replied nonchalantly, if tiredly, whilst *hoik*ing Jaune and his guitar over two separate shoulders like a pair of ladders. Or one set of stepladders, unfolded-whichever the less careful one is.

"...I'm not gonna ask what that means, but good night."

"Sleep tight, _my fair princess_." He curtsied, and sashayed back to his room. "I might leave a window open for Blake, while I'm at it."

"Tomorrow, maybe. Right now I'd get an ear infection from the bleeding!" Blake grouched in return, as Weiss leaned against the door until it shut, and continued the motion into a roll onto her bed, gunshotting a spring.

This earned an unnoticed meep from the dull roar of rock music above her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At this point it's not 3am(Or written in one night for that matter, so it might be incoherent in places. Like here.), so I don't have an excuse for characters seeming OOC besides lack of skill. I hope that the banter in this doesn't come across as too forced, or that it's at least a little funny/charming. Also I'm regretting starting these on whims, but! It'd be pretty weenie of me to quit when I don't have anything more concrete planned or any other way I much fancy acquiring of contributing to the world, and this is still relatively fun to write. Weird ending point but I had to make a stop somewhere.

 

"Okay, that was a pretty good joke you pulled yester-today Ren, ahaha, but uh, can I have my guitar back?" Jaune asked, scrubbing his bowl of Pumpkin Pete's residue clean.

"No."

"Please? I spent, like, 6000 Lien on it!"

"I spent 2500 Lien on therapy pancakes-half off when she heard why I needed the ingredients-"

"-You didn't have to make those-"

"-2000 on noise-cancelling headphones since Nora thought she could break the first pair in half and listen to my music-"

"-wait, you can't do that?-"

"-...No. And 12250, 40ml of blood and an afternoon with Goodwitch on responsible use when I went to pick up a brick of catnip for Bla-actually that was worth it I'll let you slide on that one."

"So I still spent more!"

"Yes, but that was just my expenditure. Mine. An orphan's. Yes, I am going there. Never mind everyone else's."

"What are you going to use it for, anyways?!"

"Playing. As an...instrument. With the side benefit of ensuring you don't touch it."

"But without I can't-wait, I see what's going on here!"

"Thank my voice actor."

"You want Weiss, don't you? I remember everything from 3am now! You're trying to seduce every girl in school! It's bad enough that you have a beautiful voice and a lovely personality and demeanour, but now you're trying to bed every girl in school! And to think I trusted you, you no-good pervert! *gasp* no wait, this isn't your style, it's completely out of character for you...but not if Nora put you up to it!"

Nora tugged her headphones down, funk guitar echoing off her neck: "Hmm? Is someone talking about me? Or is that you again, Charlie? Ooh, we haven't spoken in forEVER! Do you still like sloths? Do you wanna build a bomb? Can we ride a murder noodle?"

"Nora,"

"Yes, Ren?"

"I'm seducing you." Ren deadpanned, lidding his eyes and pouting his lips.

"No _oo_ , stop asking." Nora moaned back.

"Pancakes."

"Aaalriiiight, huff." And wriggled out of her jacket.

"It's not very sexy to say huff, Nora." Ren retorted, a smile cracking his lips

"Depends on the _context._ "

"ALRIGHT ALREADY! I'M GOING!" Jaune shouted, stomping out the door.

 

 

 

"Ren."

"Yes, Nora?"

"You're kind of an ass sometimes."

"You're still getting the pancakes."

_"And you're my ass!"_

*knockknockknockknockknock*

Pyrrha, who had been in the corner of the room angsting over Jaune, among other things Jaune-related, dejected her way to the door and pawed it open.

"Hello, Ruby! Come in!"

"Hi Pyrrha! Is Jaune okay? He ran by, screaming 'You must remain pure! I will protect you!' At me. Didn't stop to say from what, though."

"He's...taking his love life _very seriously_."

"Oh, is it something to do with the guitar? 'cos that's kinda why I dropped by. I mean, if somebody's going to take music seriously around here, I figure I might, y'know, start a band, hehe...Yang usually breaks guitars or gets bored or just doesn't have time, and Blake can't listen to music easily so she doesn't really care about it. So, the only thing I can bond with Weiss over is clothes, studies, and music, but-oh! and I'm asking for her too by the way, she's an _amazing_ singer!

"Sure, why not." Ren replied "We probably won't be in any state to play for the dance, just so you know, but it'll still be a fun way to pass the time. What instrument do you play anyways, Ruby?"

"Bass, last time I touched a normal guitar I got overexcited and it caught fire, hehe, buut I made lots of new friends!...and got blisters on my petals, couldn't hold Crescent Rose for a week, and got set back 25000 Lien..."

"Not your father?"

"It got taken out of my pocket money. But the next weaponised instrument I make won't even have fuel on it! So it can't blow up! I know what I'm doing now! Maybe THEN I'll get back to an electric guitar, and my esteemed title of "Reap"!...still don't see why that muppet got to be called Slash first."

"Okay. Gulp. Pyrrha, drums?"

"Do drummers get noticed?"

"Not unless they're doing something funny, weird, or really really good."

"I'll take it then. Jaune's not improving and this might help new people meet me. Out of interest, why didn't you ask Nora?"

"Because it's not a good idea to put me in a band with someone who weaponised instruments?"

"That, and we need a costume designer and maybe a manager."

Nora promptly grasped his arm in a fervid handshake: "Great things are in store for us, Mr. Lie! Great things indeed. Now get Weiss in here, Ruby! I need to know how she feels about metal. Lowercase 'm' metal."


End file.
